Mistakes You Must Never Make In Bed
As important as our day-to-day living, so is our sex life. We all, in some ways, think we are or have become some kind of “bedroom god”, but that’s not always the case. Often we think we know all there is to know about having a great sex life. We tend to assume we’ve got all it takes to satisfy that lady.
Sadly enough, most men make mistakes, a whole lot of them in bed or on their way to.
These mistakes sometimes are being commonized or probably overlooked. But as little, as they may seem, they are yet very important to correct.
These sex-time mistakes are, though commonly unnoticed by men, however, goes a long way to play an active role in the way she responds to your sexing. Whether she comes back for more totally depends on you!
So what are the mistakes you can make while having fun under the sheets with your partner? Well, you’d have to keep reading to find out.
1. Ignoring pre-sex activities
For men, the thought that sex starts on the bed is a great idea. But on the contrary, it’s a big no for most women. As it seems, seduction should be part of our everyday life, not only prep for sex.
As a man, you can be of the notion that the bedroom is the perfect place for lovemaking, but that’s not always the case.
In the words of Ian Kerner, a sex therapist, “A man gets turned on as quick as light but it takes time for women to get started. It is always better for the men to start seducing her and making her feel nicer as the day begins. Hugs and kisses can make it easier for you to get going” (5).
To have a good sex time, you need to make your woman feel safe and secure. When a woman is comfortable, she’d go ahead. “Hugging for 30 seconds stimulates oxytocin, the hormone in women that creates a sense of connection and trust,” says Kerner (5).
Hugging her could ring a bell (that sense of safety) that will in turn help her open up to you. Before you sex her, make her feel comfortable, safe, and secure! (4).
2. Not shaving down there
You’ve got her as far as your bedroom. What could go wrong now?
Even after getting her as far as your bedroom, there are a few things that can make her feel uncomfortable, for instance; not shaving your pubic hair.
While there are women who take pleasure and great satisfaction in hairy men (having beards), others don’t. Some even go as far as detesting it. When you drag your chin across her face or thighs, she might not be bemoaning from pleasure, but pain (2).
3. Skipping foreplay
The importance of foreplay in sex-making cannot be overemphasized. This is because it has stood and still stands as one of the most important ingredients (so to say) when it comes to mating. Although it is very important as well as crucial for successful lovemaking, most men tend to skip the foreplay.
Either out of anxiety or orgasm, skipping the foreplay could ruin your moment. It’s a bedroom mistake you must always avoid. To ensure that she is sated long after you’ve pulled up stumps, the foreplay must be practised. Just like you would test the pitch, and also check the wickets before ball smacking, great sex must be treated as a test match.
Still on “foreplay”, it can always come in any form. Be it touching, kissing, stroking, or massage. Even oral sex can be great at times (3).
Just make sure you take some time to build up a great level of excitement and anticipation before you get on the good foot and do the bad thing.
Is it all still a bit confusing? A reassuring fact here is that most women are pretty open to the idea of telling you straight up what greases their gearbox, so if you’re ever unsure, try asking.
4. Rushing up things
Men generally are known for rushing. It’s one of the many characteristics attributed to us. Taking things too seriously and pushing them real hard is what we are known for. Although rush is somehow an essential part of our day-to-day life, however, it should be curtailed when it comes to the issue of sex.
One of the mistakes men make in relationships is rushing things. As a man, you should learn to understand that there should be a difference between the way they respond to their day-to-day life and their sex life.
So when you get in bed, you mustn’t be in a rush. This is because you don’t need a lot of time to warm up, whereas with women the case is different. Women need a lot of time to “get in the mood.”
It does not involve the bed alone. It also has to do with emotions. And that is why men must always be considerate as to not rushing things with women. Sex doesn’t start in the bed, it starts a long time before you even get into the bedroom (or any other room).
It can start with a hug in the morning, or kiss in the afternoon, but give her time to feel secure and comfortable.
5. Getting hard too soon
One thing you should avoid by all means is an attempt to break into the “presidential villa” when sexing, you must never force your way in. Women react to touch in different ways and manners. Whatever be the case with any woman, you mustn’t force your way in.
“I’ve had more than one guy apply too much pressure with his fingers or tongue during foreplay or ram me too hard during sex. It’s not that I don’t sometimes like rough sex, but it hurts if he doesn’t start softer.” Those were the words of Jessica, 42, from Greenwich, CT (1).
“There’s a scientific reason for this,” explains sexologist Megan Stubbs, Ed.D, “…just as your own body needs a warm-up before, say, squatting your max weight, your girlfriend’s body needs time to become aroused, lubricate, and relax.”
For some women, the clitoris can be very sensitive even to the extreme. The interior vagina also is not left out. It needs to be adequately prepared for penetration (1).
Although some women may ask you to pick up the pace and increase the intensity as they near orgasm, others require a softer touch to be pushed over the edge.
6. Adding the wrong kind of pressure
Do not pressurize the woman. It only increases her self-consciousness and, as a result, shuts down her desire.
“No one wants to feel pressured to cum,” says Stubbs. “For orgasm to occur, there needs to be a whole host of things in play for it to happen. Anxiety is not on that list.” Stubbs reminds all men that their girlfriend’s absence of an instant orgasm does not mean that they aren’t rock stars in bed. Some women take longer than others — or they may not yet feel comfortable enough with you to fully let themselves go (1).
Make it easier on her by not focusing solely on the orgasm, but, rather, on the pleasure, you can bring her — during foreplay or intercourse.
7. Not lubricating
It is wrong for you to ever think or assume that it’s all about you and your ability to turn her on.
“There is a wide spectrum of the levels of lubrication that varying women create naturally, and they all fall within the norm,” says couple and family psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish, Psy.D.
“Many women need the support of a store-bought lubricant, and men need to understand that it’s not about them and their ability to turn the woman on” (1).
Stick to water, or silicone-based lubricants if you’re having intercourse with a condom, as these won’t wear them down as oil-based lubes do.
It is better to err on the side of too much lube rather than too little.
The more lubricated a woman is the better it feels for her and you — regardless of whether that lubrication came from her naturally or from a bottle (1).
8. Keeping silent throughout
Generally, silence in some ways is a strong indicator that you’re probably having a shit time, and nobody likes that.
The mistake for most men here is they’re having a blast on the job, they just don’t know how to voice their overall glee at getting it on. Making noise while you’re on the job is part and parcel of a good time behind closed doors.
It’s not about waking the neighbours’ kids actually, but rather vocalizing your experience.
Complimenting her while you’re making whoopee is the easiest way to relax the two of you by the sheer fact that you can go back to being less self-conscious about the whole affair (3).
Any other thing?
Are there other things you must take note of during sex? We have listed some of the major things men overlook that are very crucial when steaming up with your partner.
Clitoris — What about it?
The “clitoris”, as derived from the Greek kleidí, means “key”.
The clitoris is your key to a great romp, every time.
Once you’ve located your new best friend, you’ll be fast on your way to having a much better time under the covers (3).
After finding the clitoris
Okay, so now you know where the little fella is, it’s time to become BFFs. Tongue-punching the general area for a few minutes is a man’s misguided idea of good oral sex, but the reality is far from this.
A few slow, well-placed licks around the clitoris, paired with careful use of the fingers to stimulate her G-Spot and you’re closer to the home run of bringing the roof down (3).
The G-spot is not a second clitoris
The G-spot also called the Gräfenberg-spot was named after German gynecologist Ernst Gräfenberg. Though it was named after him, scientifically speaking has never technically been proved to exist.
Most women, however, would beg to differ, and finding it will open up a whole new dimension in the universe of female sexual stimulation.
Fingers are an important ingredient in the whole tongue-clitoris-G-spot combo and will help you locate the crucial area with ease, but that doesn’t mean you should use them like your junk (3).
Don’t forget the magic of curdling
This is yet another common bedroom mistake for guys punching Zs as soon as they’ve finished.
You just had a nice time, why zoom off without a little post-coital affection?
Whether you’ve just had a cheeky quickie or feel like you’ve run a marathon, taking the time to show a little post-coital affection is a must.
Think of it as the post-match interview, it’s not a real match if you haven’t given full credit to the team. At the end of the day, yes it is very important (3).
As we conclude…
Having a basic understanding of how most guys cock things up (in one way or another) is the first step to becoming the bedroom god we all think we already are.
Your sex life is an important aspect of your marriage or relationship and it can also help in building intimacy with your partner. However, you might just end up killing the mood, both for yourself and your partner, if you continue to make any of the above-listed mistakes.
Sex mistakes you make in bed can cost you the relationship or probably marriage as the case may be. This is why it is very important to understand your partner’s needs as much as possible in every area. Your mistake is capable of making your partner feel frustrated and miserable. Therefore, it is imperative to learn how to perform well in bed if you want to keep your lady happy and keep coming always.
A happy relationship is the one that has it all: support, love, understanding, and also great sex.
- https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/275795. https://www.webmd.com/men/guide/7-sex-mistakes-men-make