How to ask your partner for Sex Nicely

Everyone loves sex, but some people like it more than others. This is where asking for sex comes in; the person who wants sex has to get the message across to the less interested or stalling Partner. That being said, your partner isn’t always your wife or someone you’re in a romantic relationship with. Anyone you are actively having sex with is your partner. 

If we’re keeping it a buck, asking for sex can be a bit of a chore. Most people would prefer to be indirect about it and drop subtle hints, but what if your partner doesn’t take the hint? Now, you are back to square one, trying to figure out how to ask for sex directly without being a jerk or coming off as one. 

The best sex is the one that’s been anticipated by both parties because they already have a burning desire for it (1). This is why you need to learn how to make your partner want you and desire your touch. Learning this makes your sex life a whole lot easier.

Without further ado, this article will walk you through several ways to ask your partner for sex nicely.



How to Ask for Sex Indirectly



Asking for sex indirectly can have its pros and cons. Going this route means you are more subtle in your approach. However, as earlier mentioned, your partner might not take the hint. This shouldn’t stop you from asking, though. You have nothing to lose.

  • Know your Partner: 

This involves learning what your partner thinks about things getting hot and steamy between you two. Do they prefer the long approach to it, or would they be comfortable if you asked directly? Your answers to these questions will direct you in the way you should go.

Learn what your partner would respond to. Do they like cuddles, spooning, nights out, sensual massages, sensual music? Just be sure to set the mood.


  • Get cosy and comfortable: 

Either you are asking for sex directly or indirectly; this is a trip you want to use. You don’t have to be snuggled up with your partner in bed to make them comfortable around you. Just make sure the air between you and your partner isn’t tense, except, of course, the tension is sexual.  

Make sure she is not anxious, panicky, or disoriented around you. They have to be in the right frame of mind for any of these to work. Your ability to achieve this will either make or mar your relationship with them afterwards. 


  • Communicate:

Remember, you are not asking directly, but no one said you couldn’t be suggestive. Use sexual innuendos and puns in your conversation with your partner. For this one to work, you need puns that are easily understandable. Your partner also needs to have a good sense of humor; otherwise, you’ll have to explain your joke, which ruins the whole idea.


  • Watch an Erotic movie:

If your partner wasn’t interested in having sex before, there’s a high chance that they would be interested in the course of the movie or after. Erotic movies stir emotions and influence thoughts sexually. So this step is definitely worth a try. Who knows? Your partner might even make the first move.


  • Be Sexy:

Experts advise that you should be as sexy as you can too. Being confident alone makes you sexy, but you don’t want to stop at just being confident. As a man, you want to dress fashionably and use a nice perfume.



How to Ask for Sex Directly 



  • Dish out compliments: 

Compliment their looks by telling them how attractive you think they are and how hot and sexy they look. You see, everyone wants to feel “seen,” everyone wants to feel like they are the most beautiful, especially to their partner. It doesn’t matter how confident your partner is; they want to know what you think about their looks. So yes, shower them with compliments.


  • Communicate: 

In this scenario, you aren’t making jokes; you are talking about sex. You want to know their fantasies, likes and dislikes, turn-ons, and turn-offs. You want to learn how to please them or be better at pleasing them (2).

Get your partner to explain these things to you clearly, they might be shy at first, but you need to let them know you aren’t judging. Let them open up to you. Some people don’t have fantasies; if it’s the case with your partner, don’t bug them to discuss it, so you don’t seem creepy. All you need to do is bring up the topic, and it would be clear that you are indeed interested. 


  • Don’t brag about your exploits with others:

Doing this is distasteful even if you aren’t in a serious relationship with the partner in question. They still deserve some respect from you, so do respect them. 

Don’t tell them what the last person you had sex with did to you and you liked. No one wishes to hear that.


  • Initiate Sex:

This step can be a dicey one to handle. You don’t want to start touching people inappropriately in the name of initiating sex, or you’ll be termed a sex offender or sued to court. You need to tread carefully and exercise a lot of patience with this step. 

This is where you need to ask for consent and clarify that consent can be withdrawn at any point they begin to feel uncomfortable. 

You can be as direct as possible, especially if it’s not the first you’re both having sex together(3). So just ask them but be sexy about it. Don’t forget to make use of erotic language and endearments while making your request.



Although following these steps is going to help a lot, try not to get overwhelmed by them. Don’t fit yourself into a box trying to follow through with all the steps. Take it this way – your approach to sex with your wife will greatly differ from your approach to sex with a girlfriend or summer fling. So, try to be creative.

There is no fixed rule to asking for sex. The outcomes usually differ depending on who you are asking and your relationship with them. Your approach only plays a little role in the grand scheme of things. So, breathe, let nature take its course, and most importantly, respect your partner’s choices.

And if you are lucky to get the response you want, don’t forget to give them an amazing sexual experience.