We men love to fantasize about sex a lot. Separating a man from sexual fantasies is like trying to keep a pig from the mud.
Many people looking from societal and religious lenses may come hot against this intriguing aspect of a man’s life, but let’s face it, is there anyone who doesn’t have sexual fantasies? We may seem to hide under different guises, but deep down, we just want to be happy, feel loved, and experience the pleasures that matter much to us.
Gigi Engle, a certified sex coach and author of “All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life,” says, “No matter what the fantasy is, it’s completely normal! … The more we talk sexual fantasy and normalize the conversation, the less we’ll beat ourselves up for having twisty, sexual, steamy thoughts” (1).
Men’s sexual fantasies, according to sexperts, range from domination to submission and from exhibitionism to voyeurism (2). Men love to explore. They love to find out new things. They hate getting bored doing the same thing again and again. It’s no surprise sexual fantasy is not any different.
This article covers some of the greatest sexual fantasies men wish they could try with their partners. But before we head on to give you all that juicy detail, let’s first take a look at what sexual fantasies are.
What are Sexual Fantasies?
We know you are already familiar with the term, but we would like to begin by defining what sexual fantasies are nonetheless.
Sexual fantasies are thought patterns or mental images that can arouse or stir a person up sexually. They can be created by a person’s mind internally or triggered by external stimulations such as pornography, erotic books or movies, physical objects, or sexual attraction to another person.
Though the actual practice or exhibition of these fantasies is almost unlikely due to cultural, religious, or social constraints, this has not stopped the widespread of sexual fantasies around the world.
From several kinds of research carried out by individuals and corporate bodies, we have put together the greatest sexual fantasies you can find among the male folk.
Men’s greatest Sexual fantasies
1. Submission — Having women pursue and take charge
As basic as this may look, this is one of the sexiest things a man yearns for. Yes, men’s life is dominated by being in charge of everything all the time, but some men find it sexually arousing when the woman is making the moves and calling the shots on the bed.
“It feels tiresome to always feel like the pursuer, (all the time). Feeling pursued can be a very sexy change, it can also be a huge ego boost (paraphrasing),” explains Laura Berman, PhD, a sex expert and author of “Loving Sex: The Book of Joy and Passion” (2).
Guys fantasize about being sexually dominated when they are tired of being in charge. They have mixed feelings about what they’re doing while dominating – whether in the bedroom or the boardroom. Men’s life is characterized by being presidents, entrepreneurs, business owners and strategic leaders who are expected to be at their best and conquer. But this isn’t always a very comfortable path to thread, and they rarely talk about their inner conflict.
Even though they put their heads down and do their job, the inner discomfort and quiet anxiety about what they are doing and how their life is turning out don’t go away.
Many men are not conscious of this deep inner turmoil in a way they can articulate; they just know that they fantasize about being dominated in bed to relieve themselves of guilt doing the dominating in real life (3).
Men sometimes feel uncomfortable about expressing their feelings of wanting to be sexually dominated by their partners. This can lead some men who want to be dominated to go outside their primary relationship to make this fantasy a reality.
Another part of submissive sexual activity that men fantasize about is being tied up, teased, and spanked. They love being the passive player.
“A lot of men enjoy being submissive. It runs contrary to the way they experience their lives outside the bedroom. They enjoy being tied up, teased, tantalized, and spanked. It’s all about feeling like you surrender control,” says Kerner, PhD, a men’s sexual health expert and co-author of The Big Fun Sexy Sex Book (2).
2. Domination — Mixing pleasure with pain
For some men, the thoughts of blending pain with pleasure or having total control over their partner are sexually appealing. Yes, guys love to be in charge, and if they don’t get it all in the outside world for one reason or the other, the bedroom can be where they fantasize about being kings of their castle and commander-in-chief of all that goes on under the sheets.
A little rough sex or some domination with silk ties for blindfolds or fuzzy handcuffs for light bondage will give the greatest pleasure for most men (3).
A little Fifty Shades action with a consenting partner can be a lot of fun, but as Kerner notes, some of these fantasies only live in the mind and may never find expression in the real world.
Sexual dominance in men can have a wide range of activities, most of which rough sex is associated with.
Bondage, discipline, dominance, and submission (BDSM) is basically about the consensual exchange of power in a sexual or nonsexual situation (1), and this fantasy holds the position as the second most popular sexual fantasy in the world after Sadism and Masochism (S&M).
3. Oral sex
Men fantasize a lot about oral sex, especially if the woman doesn’t go “down.” There is this part of the male that wants what is beyond ordinary and sex researcher Pepper Schwartz, a sociology professor at the University of Washington in Seattle, who is also a co-author of the book The Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples and What They Reveal About Creating a New Normal in Your Relationship says, “The most common men’s sexual fantasies are about partners doing things they wouldn’t ordinarily do.” (2)
Dr Schwartz researched the issue by surveying 100,000 adults with help from her colleagues. The survey that was bothering on the role of money and sexual fantasies in marriage revealed that one thing was common in all the men involved in the survey: The wife agreeing to do oral sex or not agreeing to do oral sex.
4. Threesome & orgies
Men fantasize about having threesomes, foursomes, and even more. When Schwartz asked in her survey, “What could be better than one woman,” the responses were “two women.” Dreaming about what it would look like to have sex with more than one woman simultaneously in the same place is definitely among the greatest sexual fantasies men daydream about. More men in the Schwartz survey had asked how they could convince their lovers to participate in a threesome.
What could be more fulfilling than having two, three, or more women all over you craving for your body? The answer for most men is “nothing.”
Men want a sexual experience that is more animal than it is relational (3). The reason is men are more pleasure-driven than they care about ethics or emotions. Feelings about the future and commitment are not usually present in these sexual fantasies or real-life culminations (3). It’s just all about more sex and more pleasure simultaneously.
However, in reality, men would rather not engage in a threesome or at least not go above it. This is because the relationships that derive from these orgies most times lead to breakups of the couples involved. You can’t keep out the emotions forever. It most times gets the better part of the couples, and their original relationship is seldom the same.
This is one fantasy that mostly never works in real life. It is no doubt a great fantasy, but not-so-great an experience if you’re in a committed relationship or married (3).
5. Unattainable high-class women
Whether they are the nurse, the cheerleader, or the librarian, these types of women who are generally referred to as off-limits are the sexual fantasies of most men. The fantasies solve the problem of unattainability which they could never solve in real life.
The classic, high-taste women become their puppets in these fantasies, and they subdue them with all pleasure. The most common are the pristine, coveted, and aloof cheerleaders, highly placed, rich, and successful who are just out of reach of most men, and that is why they’re the perfect fodder for men’s sexual fantasies.
These women are most likely the Madonnas, the busy sexy nurses who spend most of their time devoted to their work and do not have much time to be sexual. In the fantasies, men are the ones who turn them on and off at will.
6. Exhibitionism — Public sex
Having sex in public, on the street, unnoticed by others, is one of the most common male sexual fantasies. Men love the idea of doing wrong and proudly getting away with it, and this idea is what fuels the fantasy. That the “wrong” in this context is sex is what makes the fantasy much hotter.
You can be sexy on the street with revealing clothing, make out for days by the side of the road or even engage in some groping in public, but if you perform real sexual intercourse in public and get caught, in some regions, you can be punished by law. So having fantasies of performing sex in public and getting away with it isn’t just about breaking the law; it’s also about breaking sexual taboos.
For this fantasy to work, you will need a partner who is as naughty as you or who is so lost in the act that she can’t bring herself to stop. This has become one of the most popular men’s sexual fantasies that works out in real life. All you need is just a crazy partner.
In bathrooms, in first-class sleeping accommodations, this fantasy is being acted out daily on the roadside. Sex in the plane, bus, or train isn’t as popular as before because more men have exploited this fantasy exhaustively.
7. Voyeurism — Watching sex
Guys like to watch. They’re naturally visual beings. This is why porn is such a huge hit with men.
Voyeurism also makes fantasies about watching sex enjoyable for men (3). Voyeurism, in general, is near the top of the list of men’s sexual fantasies. It can be combined with other fantasies like watching your partner with another masturbating to orgasm or even discovering other people in flagrante delicto (2).
“Many men are titillated by watching women pleasure other women. Men are experiencing their fantasies by watching them instead of sharing them or role-playing,” says Dr Berman (2).
Many sexual fantasies are indeed a result of watching porn, but a major drawback is that it often leads to isolation.
While some great fantasies are very unlikely to happen, others rely greatly on meeting someone who fits the role. Dominance and submission fantasies are some common fantasies you can act out as long as there is a willing partner.
Once you have a willing partner, no rules are holding you back from exploiting your fantasies. A good way to start could be with toys, especially for bondage fantasies. Once you and your partner get comfortable with the basics, the toys can either serve a more intense purpose or be laid back.
Sexual fantasies are a normal part of a healthy life. If your fantasies are mostly about illegal things and you want to explore them, you should consider seeing a sex therapist.
Otherwise, summon up courage and talk to your partner. Chances are she may have a few sexual fantasies of her own and may want to try them out too.